Midnight Cheese

I’m writing because I’m experiencing a nagging desperation or something. I’m not sure how to describe it. It’s a cocktail: part dread, part uncertainty, with past trauma bitters and a twist of longing.

My social media blew up this evening due to Joe Biden clenching more delegates from several states. I can’t change what is, but I can simulate what’s going to happen in the future and assess the best and worst case scenario.

I know it’s somewhat pointless to speculate like that, but the idea is right there for my mind to touch and run its stupid fingers all over. I spend a lot of time alone in my head, so it tends to run processes like that in the background all on its own without me having to ask it to.

I’ll be breaking a sweat while trying to skewer hardware through two misaligned holes… and all the while my mind will start pondering when the government will strike a deal with big info, like Facebook, to politically profile citizens based on their data. When will the president declare martial law, prolong his term, make all registered democrats enemies of the state.

Where will I move. What countries do I want to visit this fall? What other life skills do I have that I might make a living off of.

I seem to have found myself at this point in time where I don’t trust many of the people who I once had the highest esteem for. Disillusionment caused me to second guess what I thought I knew. The people I would run into battle next to, are somewhere on the battlefield but not necessarily on my side. I don’t know where we are or what we’re fighting either. It’s kinda dumb. Maybe we’re all fighting ourselves?

Politics. Society. Culture. All of those things, they’re either everything or they’re nothing. Our perception is our reality. Whether others think this, or say that, really doesn’t have to concern me… if I pretend like it isn’t there. If I tell myself it doesn’t matter. Maybe it doesn’t have to exist?

I can just make stuff in my vacuum.

And if I do? Of course it will all still be there. I will still be alone, and I’ll still be someplace wishing things were different.

I don’t really know what to do about any of this. Everyone is terrified and exhausted of speaking about social issues, so I guess I’ll just type the words and push them out into space.

Make robots MORE AGGRESSIVELY!!! Time may be running out. Enjoy what today is, even if its not perfect. Let tomorrow come in its own time. Try not to thinks so much.

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